The Irony of Social Media
- Melissa Hughes
- Jan 4
- 4 min read
The average Facebook user has close to 350 “friends.” Yet the average person has fewer than 3 meaningful relationships—people they can truly connect with and confide in.
Here’s the irony: platforms like Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, and X promise connectedness. Instead, we’re more disconnected and lonely than ever.
Loneliness has been making headlines for years as a legitimate public health crisis. COVID amplified it—during lockdowns, digital communication became our lifeline.
But here’s the kicker: increased social media use led to greater loneliness. This isn’t just correlation. Research shows causation—more social media use leads to more loneliness over time.
In a 2023 study, researchers compared the effects of social media use during and after the pandemic, to see whether any changes introduced by the pandemic in the use and function of social media continued beyond the lockdowns. The findings suggested that actual amounts of use had little impact on loneliness before or after lockdown, but when that use started to interfere with other aspects of life (like real relationships), then people were lonely.
The amount of social media use matters less than how we use it. When social media starts interfering with real relationships, people feel more lonely.
The Internet Paradox
Back in the 1990s, experts discovered the “Internet paradox”—more opportunity to connect results in less actual human connection. A prominent 1998 study conducted at Carnegie Mellon showed a correlation between increased Internet usage and increased loneliness.
Since then, we've continued to discover how social media adversely impacts connections with others. Mounting evidence suggests that social media use significantly compromised relationship dynamics — including quality time, conflict, and relationship satisfaction regardless of whether the relationship is romantic or not.
A 2021 study tracked Instagram users and found increased usage led to decreased relationship satisfaction and more conflict. Worse? The dissatisfaction triggered addictive use of Instagram. A vicious cycle.
The Numbers Don’t Lie
Time spent using social media hasn't decreased since the pandemic. In fact, we continue to break records: over 12 trillion hours spent online annually, with 4 trillion hours on social media alone. As of early 2026, 5.66 billion people—nearly 69% of the world's population—are active social media users. Statistically speaking, we are more digitally connected than ever.
The average person spends 2 hours 21 minutes on social media every day
The average American checks their mobile device 186 times a day
Users spent 4 trillion hours on social media in 2025
Phubbing: the act of snubbing a person in a social setting by focusing on one’s smartphone (i.e., scrolling social media or checking notifications while interacting with someone).
The Evolution of Technology Interference with Human Connection
But we can’t blame loneliness on Facebook or Twitter. Social media platforms are merely the next evolution in a long history of technology-inspired interference with human interaction.
The invent of the telephone decreased the number of people who would have otherwise just walked next door to talk to a neighbor. Self-checkouts at the grocery store enable us to stock the pantry without speaking to a register clerk. Mobile apps and kiosks at fast food restaurants make it possible to order, pay, and pick up a meal without interacting with a single human being.
Every time I go to the post office, I have a choice. I can take my package to the postal worker or I can bypass the postal worker and let the machine serve me. Without exception, I’ll wait for a machine before I wait for the person. I can say that it’s faster and more convenient, but the truth is that technology has just made it easy not to interact with real people.
"We live in the most technologically connected age in the history of civilization, yet rates of loneliness have doubled since the 1980s. Today, over 40% of adults in America report feeling lonely, and research suggests that the real number may well be higher." - Vivek Murthy, Surgeon General of the United States
Whether you create your own blog/vlog, or share someone else’s, checking all those looks, likes, and shares is part of the game. The pull of social media addiction isn’t all in our heads. It’s quite real thanks to two powerful neurotransmitters: dopamine and oxytocin. When people like, share, and comment on our posts, we get a hit of those feel-good chemicals. We gain social currency.
When people like my posts, I feel important.
When they don’t, I feel insignificant.
Technology gives us opportunities for connection. But it also gives us opportunities for rejection. Blocking, unfriending, muting, unfollowing, ghosting—all quick and easy.
Not painless, though.
Our brains process social rejection the same way they process physical pain.
That’s why it stings when only 5 people like your selfie. Why ghosting feels like emotional cruelty. We’re wired to feel hurt by rejection.
The Illusion of Connection
The irony of social media is the illusion of connection. We use technology to engage with others. That same technology makes it easier to disengage and avoid real human interaction. Never before have we had more opportunity for social interaction.
Maybe it’s time to redefine what social engagement actually means.
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